Imposter Syndrome

I've been away for a while, again. Took a break to work on the release of Last Winter Days and updating the website. So, after my last post, I was in a dark place. Upset about a lot of things that in the end don't really matter. I've been going through what is called "imposter syndrome." Basically, I have doubted everything that I've accomplished in the last few months. At first, I was really proud of myself. But after a few criticisms and very poor sales, I have felt so bad.

Let me tell you, I am the first to admit when something I have done is poorly executed. I am my biggest critic of myself. I know my flaws and short comings. But in the end, I am still proud of what I've done. Sure, I may have only written two novellas. And okay, I've given away more than I've sold by probably double. None of that changes the fact that I swallowed one of my biggest fears and published my book.

Growing up, I used to write a lot. Everything from trashy poetry to short stories. I even tried my hand and fanfic, but that didn't last long and I never posted any of it. Other than work I had to turn in, no one ready any of it. I'm not sure why since my teachers always said I did a good job.

Now at 29 years old, I am letting it go. All of it. And I'm here to tell you that it is not easy to let go of your fears. Maybe they will always be there, in the back of my mind whispering that I'm not good enough. Maybe I will never sell more than a few dozen copies. And thats okay. As my husband reminded me earlier this week, I did not set out to become famous or rich. I clicked "submit" so that I can share my imaginations with the world.

Its okay to be afraid. But never doubt the good things you have done. If you worked hard and poured yourself into something that you truly believe in, then go for it. Live it up and own it. As long as its not hurting anyone, obviously. So if you're a proud serial killer, just keep that one to your self *wink*. Don't compare yourself to others. Everyone is on their own journey and at different milestones. Do the best that you can do and take help where you can find it. But know that your work matters.

Photo by Steinar Engeland on Unsplash