Happy New Year everyone! I hope you had a wonderful start to 2020! January has not been as busy as I thought it would be, but I have not been following my schedule as I should. That being said, I want to try something new. I want to, for now, try and add to my blog at least once a month. Hopefully, I can get out more than one post a month, but we will set the bar low to start with.
For my first post of the year, I want to jot down a few things I've noticed as a parent and an author. Let me know what you think!
1. I created something.
This is an obvious one, right? Sure, it is cliche, but oh well. So, yes. I created my daughter and I created lives and worlds that did not previously exist. And both have been so thrilling. My pregnancy went smoother than writing, however. Morning sickness? We don't know her. Bizarre cravings? Hardly. But writing has been challenging to say the least. Writing is not like playing SIMs at all. I can't just point and click and magically make my characters do something. It has to be within their personality and characteristics. And in order to do that, I have to know my characters as well as I do my own child. What they like and don't like. How they handle stress and why they say certain things under pressure. I am not their master. I am as much part of the audience as anyone else reading my work.
2. It requires a lot of coffee to accomplish.
My daughter refused to come into the world. We had to go in by force and get her. I was awake for thirty-six hours before she was born. And it was another eight before I slept again. Honestly, I don't think I had a proper night's sleep until she was four months old. Thankfully, she sleeps a lot better now. But my own habits keep me up into the early hours of the morning. I write late at night when my family is asleep. So this requires a lot of coffee just to keep my mind functioning somewhat normally. Then I stay up too late and need coffee to wake me up for the day to get the minimum done around the house. It is a terrible cycle.
3. It does not happen overnight.
When my husband and I got married, we decided we were going to wait until we were married for two years and be 25 years old before we would think about having kids. Well, a few months into our marriage I started having baby fever. Little did I know it would take eleven months and medication for us to get pregnant. Funny enough, I found out I was pregnant three days after my 25th birthday and she was born two days before our second anniversary. For years I knew I wanted to write, but it just would not happen. It isn't as crazy as other authors, but my first story took eight months to write. And guess what? I am still rewriting it because it is not as good as it could be. Nothing happens overnight. Everything takes time and effort to finish. But at the end of both cases, I could not have been more proud of myself.
4. I couldn't do it on my own.
I'll spare you the details since I'm sure most of us are over the age of 13 and now how babies are made. Obviously I could not have made my daughter on my own. So why did I think I would not need anyone for my book? I mean I have the ideas, I have the computer, I have the hands to type and the ability to go online and read how to submit to Amazon. Boy was I wrong. I learned I needed a whole team of people to help. There is my husband who reads through my work and helps me sift through my ideas. Then I have my cover guy who makes amazing covers for me. Now, I am finally contacting an editor to comb over and help repair my story. And lastly, I have my readers who are willing to sit through it all and enjoy what I have to offer. I couldn't have done it without any of them.
5. It is soul-sucking.
My daughter is pretty well behaved for her age. She doesn't scream or have tantrums. And really, she is a very bright kid. But that does not negate the fact that she is four years old and loves to test every boundary she can find. Her new thing is "I promise I won't..." in response to whatever I say is going to hurt her or turn out wrong. So, sometimes I have to let her learn the hard way. My stories test my patience in the same way. I want so badly for them to turn into perfect works of art with the best plots, beautiful descriptions, and well-rounded characters. But just like my daughter, they take on a life of their own and go a path I did not intend. It is hard work to bring them back to where they should be. And some days I am too mentally exhausted to deal with it.
6. Sometimes I need a break.
I am lucky enough to have a husband who works hard and has a good job that allows me to stay home and raise our daughter. That being said, I am with her ALL. THE. TIME. Which is usually fine. Both my parents worked and I did not spend much time with them growing up. So I really enjoy being home with my daughter. But there are days I don't want to be touched, asked the same question 100 times, and need to be alone for five minutes. And sometimes I need a break from writing. Both being a parent and a writer takes a lot of mental and physical strength. I have to always be ready with an answer for my daughter. Constantly getting up and down for something she needs. With writing, I have to fight through the brain fog and push out the few ideas I have. Somedays my carpal tunnel hurts so bad I can't go on. I believe there are appropriate times for taking breaks. As long as you always come back.
7. I had no idea what I was doing going into it. (Spoiler alert, still don't.)
My mother was in a hospital bed, unable to move or speak from a stroke she suffered during surgery, 800 miles from where I was. That is how my motherhood journey started. For nine months I had looked forward to my mom being by my side to help me learn to be a mom. Instead, I received a crash course in infant care and was sent home with a 5lb 5oz baby girl. My husband was there, of course, but neither of us knew how to live with a baby and keep her living, for that matter. When I first decided to self-publish, it was a "hold your breath and go feet first" deal. So many mistakes were and are being made. My grammar is terrible, I did not start out with a professional cover, and I published without any sort of professional editing. Such a mess. Just like parenting. And I'm still learning to be better at both every day.
8. No one can do it the way I do.
Not to toot my own horn, but I think I am a pretty good mom. I'm not the best mom, and I'm not going to blast any other type of mom out there. But I am the best mom for her. I know her. I know why she does things. I know what she is saying when she messes up words (sometimes). I care for her in the ways she needs. And I am the only one who can do that for her. Now, God forbid I die and my husband remarries, that woman will never be able to raise her the way I would. And the same goes for my stories. No one else can tell the stories I do or how I do. No one else can see the world with my eyes and imagination. Only I can do that and only I can share it. There are better moms out there who make every meal at home or who have perfectly clean homes. And there are way better writers who have perfect grammar and sense of prose who sell thousands of books. But they can't parent the way I do, nor tell a story with my voice and words.
9. It makes me the happiest and angriest I have ever been.
My husband and daughter mean everything to me. I would be lost without them. Do they upset me? Yes. I never know what the day is going to bring when my daughter wakes up. Some days we are best friends and everything goes smoothly. Other days it takes her ten minutes to wash her hands even after I have told her six times to get out of the bathroom. I love her to death, but she will also be the cause of my death. Some nights I wake up from a dead sleep worrying that someone, somewhere is going to hate my books because they are not the best they could be. Other times I am so happy that I get to write at all and just want to do it all the time. Some days my daughter cleans her room without me asking. Others, she dumps every single toy on the floor and into the hall. Somedays I can stare at my laptop for hours and write 100 words. And there are days I can write 5,000 words in no time at all.
10. I would do it all over again.
A year of depression, a large cesarian scar, and the constant fear something is going to happen to my baby girl. That is what parenthood has brought me. Even with that, I would do it again for her. I would not change a single moment for what I have now. She is bright, beautiful, caring, and a joy to be around. The same could be said for my books. Lost sleep, anxiety, self-doubt, and sore backsides. That is what being an author has given me. But I also get to share my stories and ideas with the world, to maybe one day be someone's favorite author. To tell stories no one else can. I would do it all over again if it meant I have the life I do now. Nothing could change that for me. I love being a mom and an author.
That was the longest post I have done so far. I had fun, though! If you enjoyed it, have something to add, or any other suggestions comment below! Be on the lookout for my newsletter coming out at the end of the month! If you're not signed up, do it now! Have a great January!
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